I had a very beautiful experience.
She is probably the best human I had ever found. She was very close to
an ideal daughter to his father
an ideal sister to his sister
an ideal soulmate for me !
The only thing troubled us was her confusion.
She is very confused lady. We had loved each other and thought of marrying each other. Things were great .
I had to make some sacrifices, she had to make some. After all it were meant to make us together life long.
I still don't know if I had done this right.
"I have to be something in my career for myself. I have 5 years of time for it. I am 1200KM from her !
I told her 1000 times and tried to give the confidence.
Baby , I am going to get a good position and come back. In case of any emergency or trouble from home, please let me know. Please be strong. We will marry.
I know it would be really strong for her to stay without me . I was texting her regularly though. She didn't wanted to disturb me. I was having series of exams. She wanted to keep herself busy and she kept saying me "I am busy with my class work , I am busy with my project"
Sometimes I was little sad for her harsh replies , but still kept my hope strong.
Oh ! Forgot to mention , She was short tempered. She was kinda 'lady hulk'
Here is what which I still can't digest. I wish it wasn't what I heard.
She clearly said she wasn't interested in me anymore. She was exhausted ! She said she cant find any love in me. I thought she was making fun. I still kept saying to myself , No ! No ! She isn't thinking of what she is saying.
She called me an hour back and said this :
You need to know this !
She is probably the best human I had ever found. She was very close to
an ideal daughter to his father
an ideal sister to his sister
an ideal soulmate for me !
The only thing troubled us was her confusion.
She is very confused lady. We had loved each other and thought of marrying each other. Things were great .
I had to make some sacrifices, she had to make some. After all it were meant to make us together life long.
I still don't know if I had done this right.
"I have to be something in my career for myself. I have 5 years of time for it. I am 1200KM from her !
I told her 1000 times and tried to give the confidence.
Baby , I am going to get a good position and come back. In case of any emergency or trouble from home, please let me know. Please be strong. We will marry.
I know it would be really strong for her to stay without me . I was texting her regularly though. She didn't wanted to disturb me. I was having series of exams. She wanted to keep herself busy and she kept saying me "I am busy with my class work , I am busy with my project"
Sometimes I was little sad for her harsh replies , but still kept my hope strong.
Oh ! Forgot to mention , She was short tempered. She was kinda 'lady hulk'
Here is what which I still can't digest. I wish it wasn't what I heard.
She clearly said she wasn't interested in me anymore. She was exhausted ! She said she cant find any love in me. I thought she was making fun. I still kept saying to myself , No ! No ! She isn't thinking of what she is saying.
She called me an hour back and said this :
You need to know this !
- I have liked a guy here in my college. I 'like' him , but I don't 'love' him !
- He has proposed me . He is very innocent.
I was broke . Things were very complicated. Was not able to digest the way she told about that guy. I was not able to leave her. I whatsapped her all day and expected for some miracle.
I wished she was joking . I have repeatedly asking her to think once more. She was frustated and bugged. Everytime I contacted her , I went more and more depressed ! May be this is why people say not to get back when dumped.
After a year or so, I had visited her .She was academically stable and successful.
Though some of her words were little harsh , I was controlling myself from jumping out. I had been there just see my love ! I really missed her from years. Wanted to see as much as possible.
One day I had asked her If she had said about me to Him. She initially used to say everyone in my college knows about you. But I never got a point precise answer. May be she was scared about me knowing the truth.
I was like an idiot thinking about her , praying her, thinking of how good things will be if I struggle now. She on the other side forgot me and said that !
I felt like being used. Shouldn't I ?
I don't know ! I felt , she should have told me first that she didnt love me anymore and then proceed with someone else ! Isn't that insane when she didn't think of me !
What hurts me more is , she keeps telling again and again that she cared me !
What she says , and what she did don't sync at all !
I was expecting a lot. I was really madly in love with her. Probably because of those things which I had done for the meet have killed me more.
This is what I did :
1. I wrote my diary. Adding all my emotions in it. Sad times , happy times . Each line had its own beauty. I wanted to send it her. This was my second attempt to write diary. I have been doing this till today.I just kept waiting for the day! I didn't had enough courage to send it to her.
I am pissed of doing this.
I wished she was joking . I have repeatedly asking her to think once more. She was frustated and bugged. Everytime I contacted her , I went more and more depressed ! May be this is why people say not to get back when dumped.
After a year or so, I had visited her .She was academically stable and successful.
Though some of her words were little harsh , I was controlling myself from jumping out. I had been there just see my love ! I really missed her from years. Wanted to see as much as possible.
One day I had asked her If she had said about me to Him. She initially used to say everyone in my college knows about you. But I never got a point precise answer. May be she was scared about me knowing the truth.
I was like an idiot thinking about her , praying her, thinking of how good things will be if I struggle now. She on the other side forgot me and said that !
I felt like being used. Shouldn't I ?
I don't know ! I felt , she should have told me first that she didnt love me anymore and then proceed with someone else ! Isn't that insane when she didn't think of me !
What hurts me more is , she keeps telling again and again that she cared me !
What she says , and what she did don't sync at all !
I was expecting a lot. I was really madly in love with her. Probably because of those things which I had done for the meet have killed me more.
This is what I did :
1. I wrote my diary. Adding all my emotions in it. Sad times , happy times . Each line had its own beauty. I wanted to send it her. This was my second attempt to write diary. I have been doing this till today.I just kept waiting for the day! I didn't had enough courage to send it to her.
I am pissed of doing this.
Now,I don't want to start something which reminds me of her. All the pages I wrote were exclusively for her. I decided not to write any more.I will for sure :)
2. She loves taddy bear. I had requested my friend to get a taddy bear and a chocolate for her b'day.
3. I had made a collage on my laptop sticking all the photos of her. I had more than 350. I made this my wallpaper.
4. This is very personal. Even after she dumped me , I wished I could show her this. Just for my satisfaction.
I wondered what is the reason her friend [******] gave me
She said :
I am possessive and don't want to allow her to live her life.
Her present guy is from her college. She is somewhat serious for him.
I still love her . I kept it to myself.
She literally cheated me. Yes ! That's the truth.
I don't know. Its my mistake. I was told by everyone that I have to worry about myself. I had to concentrate on my career. But here , I am still worrying how she will manage everything alone. Don't know when she will come back.
I closed my eyes . I had to let her go ! The more I thinks of her, the more I will suffer. She is in a relation with an another guy. I don't know how he is and whether he cares her or not. All I know is , My girl said she is happy with him. ( Superficially happy ! )
If I really cared about her, I have to quit her from my mind. I don't know if I was really there in her thoughts.
I had to make a big choice . I had decided to be myself as a bad guy. So that I will make myself not worthy for her forget her forever. She will forget me. After all , she didn't think of me while accepting his proposal ! Whatever may be the situation .
I have clearly told Now I don't love her anymore. I had written this about how much she has hurt me.
I want to tell her that what she did is no good to me. Neither to her. Nor to her present guy.
I loved her madly. I am not as expressive as she thinks of me to be like. She wants everything right for her and I tried to make everything as she likes. There are many things in which we differ.
Now, I am trying to stop myself getting into with her that might have saved me. But.....
She used me , because I LET HER TO . There is my mistake too.
I realized Its better to be a Man than to be a better partner.
Who knows , I might be forgotten her soon .
God bless her , where ever she is !
I wanted to marry her ,IF in case she comes back.
There is no point in doing that. Neither she will be happy nor I.
And I am going to stop writing about her in my diary from today.
