We all want to be happy but the question is what is happiness.. ?? how can we find it ? Now in current scenario where we spent our most of the time on internet and as per my experience, I can say that the most craziest and happiest moment of a student's life is getting a mate in his life. This moment had come in my life some years ago, I felt like I was in seventh heaven. But as the time passed I realize that nothing is lost long. Today, If we achieve something, we thanked god that he (god) gave us someone in our life and their presence made us fortunate. But if we lost something, we repeat this thing again but for blaming him(God) that if I was not in relationship, I would be more concentrate on that specific goal and would be able to achieve that one. I had faced both situation and did exactly what I had mentioned here but the question is whether it is right or wrong? If we know that presence of someone affect our ultimate aim,why we have choose them and If it doesn't affect, why we blame them after failing ??
Thursday, 10 September 2015
MY STORY
I had a very beautiful experience.
She is probably the best human I had ever found. She was very close to
an ideal daughter to his father
an ideal sister to his sister
an ideal soulmate for me !
The only thing troubled us was her confusion.
She is very confused lady. We had loved each other and thought of marrying each other. Things were great .
I had to make some sacrifices, she had to make some. After all it were meant to make us together life long.
I still don't know if I had done this right.
"I have to be something in my career for myself. I have 5 years of time for it. I am 1200KM from her !
I told her 1000 times and tried to give the confidence.
Baby , I am going to get a good position and come back. In case of any emergency or trouble from home, please let me know. Please be strong. We will marry.
I know it would be really strong for her to stay without me . I was texting her regularly though. She didn't wanted to disturb me. I was having series of exams. She wanted to keep herself busy and she kept saying me "I am busy with my class work , I am busy with my project"
Sometimes I was little sad for her harsh replies , but still kept my hope strong.
Oh ! Forgot to mention , She was short tempered. She was kinda 'lady hulk'
Here is what which I still can't digest. I wish it wasn't what I heard.
She clearly said she wasn't interested in me anymore. She was exhausted ! She said she cant find any love in me. I thought she was making fun. I still kept saying to myself , No ! No ! She isn't thinking of what she is saying.
She called me an hour back and said this :
You need to know this !
She is probably the best human I had ever found. She was very close to
an ideal daughter to his father
an ideal sister to his sister
an ideal soulmate for me !
The only thing troubled us was her confusion.
She is very confused lady. We had loved each other and thought of marrying each other. Things were great .
I had to make some sacrifices, she had to make some. After all it were meant to make us together life long.
I still don't know if I had done this right.
"I have to be something in my career for myself. I have 5 years of time for it. I am 1200KM from her !
I told her 1000 times and tried to give the confidence.
Baby , I am going to get a good position and come back. In case of any emergency or trouble from home, please let me know. Please be strong. We will marry.
I know it would be really strong for her to stay without me . I was texting her regularly though. She didn't wanted to disturb me. I was having series of exams. She wanted to keep herself busy and she kept saying me "I am busy with my class work , I am busy with my project"
Sometimes I was little sad for her harsh replies , but still kept my hope strong.
Oh ! Forgot to mention , She was short tempered. She was kinda 'lady hulk'
Here is what which I still can't digest. I wish it wasn't what I heard.
She clearly said she wasn't interested in me anymore. She was exhausted ! She said she cant find any love in me. I thought she was making fun. I still kept saying to myself , No ! No ! She isn't thinking of what she is saying.
She called me an hour back and said this :
You need to know this !
- I have liked a guy here in my college. I 'like' him , but I don't 'love' him !
- He has proposed me . He is very innocent.
I was broke . Things were very complicated. Was not able to digest the way she told about that guy. I was not able to leave her. I whatsapped her all day and expected for some miracle.
I wished she was joking . I have repeatedly asking her to think once more. She was frustated and bugged. Everytime I contacted her , I went more and more depressed ! May be this is why people say not to get back when dumped.
After a year or so, I had visited her .She was academically stable and successful.
Though some of her words were little harsh , I was controlling myself from jumping out. I had been there just see my love ! I really missed her from years. Wanted to see as much as possible.
One day I had asked her If she had said about me to Him. She initially used to say everyone in my college knows about you. But I never got a point precise answer. May be she was scared about me knowing the truth.
I was like an idiot thinking about her , praying her, thinking of how good things will be if I struggle now. She on the other side forgot me and said that !
I felt like being used. Shouldn't I ?
I don't know ! I felt , she should have told me first that she didnt love me anymore and then proceed with someone else ! Isn't that insane when she didn't think of me !
What hurts me more is , she keeps telling again and again that she cared me !
What she says , and what she did don't sync at all !
I was expecting a lot. I was really madly in love with her. Probably because of those things which I had done for the meet have killed me more.
This is what I did :
1. I wrote my diary. Adding all my emotions in it. Sad times , happy times . Each line had its own beauty. I wanted to send it her. This was my second attempt to write diary. I have been doing this till today.I just kept waiting for the day! I didn't had enough courage to send it to her.
I am pissed of doing this.
I wished she was joking . I have repeatedly asking her to think once more. She was frustated and bugged. Everytime I contacted her , I went more and more depressed ! May be this is why people say not to get back when dumped.
After a year or so, I had visited her .She was academically stable and successful.
Though some of her words were little harsh , I was controlling myself from jumping out. I had been there just see my love ! I really missed her from years. Wanted to see as much as possible.
One day I had asked her If she had said about me to Him. She initially used to say everyone in my college knows about you. But I never got a point precise answer. May be she was scared about me knowing the truth.
I was like an idiot thinking about her , praying her, thinking of how good things will be if I struggle now. She on the other side forgot me and said that !
I felt like being used. Shouldn't I ?
I don't know ! I felt , she should have told me first that she didnt love me anymore and then proceed with someone else ! Isn't that insane when she didn't think of me !
What hurts me more is , she keeps telling again and again that she cared me !
What she says , and what she did don't sync at all !
I was expecting a lot. I was really madly in love with her. Probably because of those things which I had done for the meet have killed me more.
This is what I did :
1. I wrote my diary. Adding all my emotions in it. Sad times , happy times . Each line had its own beauty. I wanted to send it her. This was my second attempt to write diary. I have been doing this till today.I just kept waiting for the day! I didn't had enough courage to send it to her.
I am pissed of doing this.
Now,I don't want to start something which reminds me of her. All the pages I wrote were exclusively for her. I decided not to write any more.I will for sure :)
2. She loves taddy bear. I had requested my friend to get a taddy bear and a chocolate for her b'day.
3. I had made a collage on my laptop sticking all the photos of her. I had more than 350. I made this my wallpaper.
4. This is very personal. Even after she dumped me , I wished I could show her this. Just for my satisfaction.
I wondered what is the reason her friend [******] gave me
She said :
I am possessive and don't want to allow her to live her life.
Her present guy is from her college. She is somewhat serious for him.
I still love her . I kept it to myself.
She literally cheated me. Yes ! That's the truth.
I don't know. Its my mistake. I was told by everyone that I have to worry about myself. I had to concentrate on my career. But here , I am still worrying how she will manage everything alone. Don't know when she will come back.
I closed my eyes . I had to let her go ! The more I thinks of her, the more I will suffer. She is in a relation with an another guy. I don't know how he is and whether he cares her or not. All I know is , My girl said she is happy with him. ( Superficially happy ! )
If I really cared about her, I have to quit her from my mind. I don't know if I was really there in her thoughts.
I had to make a big choice . I had decided to be myself as a bad guy. So that I will make myself not worthy for her forget her forever. She will forget me. After all , she didn't think of me while accepting his proposal ! Whatever may be the situation .
I have clearly told Now I don't love her anymore. I had written this about how much she has hurt me.
I want to tell her that what she did is no good to me. Neither to her. Nor to her present guy.
I loved her madly. I am not as expressive as she thinks of me to be like. She wants everything right for her and I tried to make everything as she likes. There are many things in which we differ.
Now, I am trying to stop myself getting into with her that might have saved me. But.....
She used me , because I LET HER TO . There is my mistake too.
I realized Its better to be a Man than to be a better partner.
Who knows , I might be forgotten her soon .
God bless her , where ever she is !
I wanted to marry her ,IF in case she comes back.
There is no point in doing that. Neither she will be happy nor I.
And I am going to stop writing about her in my diary from today.
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